Week 4 or how i leaned to stop worrying and love Manchester City

 The Titanic departed from the city of Liverpool. Had they gone up the River Mersey and sunk in a similar matter it would have less disastrous than Liverpool’s performance on Saturday. Until Liverpool sort out some kind of consistent back line then their porous defense will concede goals. Would one say that this Liverpool team is like the Titanic disaster itself? There’s a first class (forwards), second class (midfield), and drowning third class (defense.) In this poor metaphor I suppose that makes the Moreno the swashbuckling Jack; driven to break class lines by ignoring his position but ultimately doomed. Left to die cast adrift. 

Arsenal have the memory of my grandpa who had Alzheimer’s. They take a beating one week then forget about it and look great the next. Unfortunately for Arsenal this result is typical. They can always beat teams lower than them yet fail to punch up. 

Alvaro Morata continues his goal scoring streak early in the season. That now makes 3 in games. Chelsea have to like where they sit now at third. Leicester City meanwhile are showing more signs of life but can’t really get the engine going yet. They still miss the heartbeat in the middle of the field that Kante supplied. It could be another tough season for them with some worry of relegation but they will get hot at some point and finish mid table. 

Tottenham thoroughly outclassed Everton. Although I feel they don’t have enough depth still to win the title, their starting 11 is pure class. Everton meanwhile have a problem. Unfortunately it’s not easily solvable. It’s a $200 million problem and it’s on the field each week. For me the only way to get through this is time. Fielding a consistent 11 and giving these new players more time with each other is the only other conclusion than panic. 

Brighton! It took them 4 games to score but when they did… This is exactly where Brighton will have to get points this season, against low end teams. It’s a long season but I was worrying for Brighton. They need many more performances like these in order to stay up.

It’s a hacky joke at this point but no one wants to play at Stoke. If it weren’t for the ineptitude of Stoke maybe they'd get more points at home. Lukaku certainly didn’t mind going to Stoke but unfortunately for both sides it was an exciting game for the neutral. A point a piece is fair for this result.  

Week 3 Quickie

Bournemouth 1-2 Manchester City

Forget City’s exhilarating comeback, this game will be shown decades from now for Charlie Daniels’ wonderstike. 

Watford 0-0 Brighton

Brighton holding their own in a bright start for the new boys.

Newcastle 3-0 West Ham

The better West Ham get on paper the worse they play. Newcastle finally looked like they’re ready to be back in The Premier League.

Crystal Palace 0-2 Swansea

Swans get first win over poor Palace.

Huddersfield 0-0 Southampton

Huddersfield pull third with goal difference over City. Words I never thought I’d never type.

Man United 2-0 Leicester City

United’s defense being overlooked as their perfect start continues. 

West Brom 1-1 Stoke City

These two could have a played game 100 years ago and the tactics wouldn’t have been much different. 

Chelsea 2-0 Everton

Morata double sinks Everton.

Tottenham 1-1 Burnley

Late Burnley goal sees Spurs drop more points at home by week 3 this year than the entire campaign last year. 

Liverpool 4-0 Arsenal

Arsenal playing so poorly they make Liverpool defense look good. 

Week 2: A Shaky Anfield Affair

It was all as close as the croppings on Romelu Lukaku’s hair until late. By then Swansea were trailing 1-0 and were forced to throw men forward. It’s at that point when United went for the jugular. Perhaps this team is for real and week one was an indication, not aberration, for United. Where United were poor last year were in moments when they were down or conceding stupid goals. Credit to Mourinho, he acknowledged this in his post game interview saying that this team has yet to respond to adversity. After a few games like that I will judge where they could realistically finish. Too early.

Southampton should have easily dispatched of The Hammers after they went 2-0 up against a 10 man West Ham. Arnautovic is a man completely unchanged at his new club and it may end up affecting his career. In only his second game for West Ham he is sent off for a karate chop retaliation. I thought that West Ham would be much better this year than in years past and i still think they will be. They have a man in Hernandez who has made a career off of poaching and demonstrated those skills in this game. If not for a controversial penalty for the slightest of aerial duels West Ham would have completed the comeback.

In a shaky affair that Michael J Fox could relate to Liverpool somehow dispatched Crystal Palace at Anfield. It wasn’t without moments of real doubt however as Benteke missed an open net and Liverpool missed many late chances. They got their goal but pulling away proved difficult. I see this win as a positive though. Liverpool didn’t play well and this is exactly the type of game they have lost the past few years. If they can turn these games that they don’t play well into wins then they have a decent chance at top 4 again.

It was a game in which it all seemed to go wrong for Arsenal. They dominated a first half in which they had a decent shout for a penalty. Stoke then found their goal as they came into the game from their new signing Jesé. Later Lacazette found the back of the net but was found to be maybe 2 mm offside. A rainy night in Stoke was then capped off by a most unusual incident as Giroud missed an unmarked header. Arsenal Fan TV went off but for me I can see them turning it around next week against Liverpool.

Huddersfield capped off a game that had as much quality as a Championship match. In the only watchable moment of the game Mooy “the new Jonjo Shelvey” scored a long curler. There were 5 total shots in the first half and at one point i swear they were just hoofing the ball from end to end. I haven’t been to church in 14 years but I swear on Sunday morning I was half considering finding Christ rather than watch this crucification of my patience.

I wouldn’t want to play my home matches at Wembley. It’s an event for every team that comes to play you. It’s also a burden to pack that thing out each week. Chelsea certainly felt up for it. Marcus Alonso scored a brace in a game in which either side really could have won, each hitting the bar. Not sure how to feel about Chelsea yet this season and as for Tottenham I could see a hangover of finishing second two years in a row.

I think it says a lot that Everton are competing with City now. They have been completely blown away in the past. Did they get lucky with a bullshit yellow? Sure, Kyle Walker should not have been sent off. But City pushed and pushed and really got lucky with the deflection and Sterling goal. Klaasen’s late clearance was clutch and shows the quality the team has now. Rooney seems to have rediscovered his motivation for the game. If Everton can string some games together against teams higher than them they may surprise people.

Week 1 - Resurrection

Well The Premier League is back and it means everything in the world. Gone are the summer days of existential crisis wondering why you have no friends or hobbies outside of football. By mid June you’ve already wondered what happened to all the unreasonable hairstyles you’re used to flashing across your tv screen. By mid July you begin to wonder if you can get into competitive bowling on ESPN3. You watch the Audi Cup which feels like a crucifixion of all sporting behavior that is true and holy. Then, like Jesus exiting the Tomb, redemption. It’s back. Something matters.

And yet the first week rarely indicates what’s going to happen the rest of the season.

But lets not let that spoil the celebration that is ‘Week 1.’

Arsenal sees their second consecutive week 1 thriller. Last year they were bested by Liverpool by the inverse score. This time they win in spectacular fashion as Lacazette wastes no time opening his Arsenal account. Almost immediately though the man no one particularly likes, Jamie Vardy, levels the game! This is an interesting first 10 minutes of the year. It would be Leicesters advantage by the 2nd half but Arsenal take a very late lead. Giroud does what he seems to only be able to do and scores a thumping header off the crossbar. My word.

We got an absolute thriller for the opener so it surely must calm down, right? We then see another barn-burner as Liverpool draw 3-3 with Watford. This was a game in which I expected to see Watford sit back and defend as so many lesser teams did against Liverpool last year. This may be the only saving grace to the day for Liverpool as they seem to have found a solution to those teams with the pace of Mané and now Salah. If Liverpool have any chance at a title run this year it must be like 13-14 when they outscored their opponents. The defense seems to have the same issues although Mignolet has performed better and better since the tail end of last season.

There are so many things we could talk about with Everton. Whether it’s the entirely new team or the still incoming transfers (Sigurdsson). It’s almost easy to forget that Wayne Rooney is again a Toffee. But he just has to remind you. Scoring the only and winning goal for his boyhood club 13 years after his exit at 18. I was 15 when this happened and Jose Mourinho  had still yet to depart Porto. How things have changed. Perhaps one thing that hasn’t changed is Rooney himself as he still scores goals and still presumedly sleeps with a vacuum cleaner on (Yes this is true, look it up).

New boys Huddersfield got an emphatic win at Palace. Palace is one of my pics to go down. I know it’s early and i know they have talent but much like QPR’s last PL team I see them dropping despite all that. I do say congrats to Huddersfield as they will quickly learn that points in this league are hard to come by.

Chelsea played up to expectations. The expectations being over the last couple of years that last years league winners must play like a mid-table team the next year. Except they hardly did even that. They lost 3-1 with 9 men against Burnley. They can’t afford any injuries this year as they already have a paper thin squad. Perhaps the man who personifies pure-chaos and has looked 40 years old since he was 8, Diego Costa, is the catalyst to this team performing. Good news Chelsea fans it is still only week one after all.

Brighton put up a valiant effort on their return to The Premier League. They kept City at bay until the second half. It looks like City still have yet to mesh together but they are my favorites this year.

Oh and United look really good. Nothing feels better than an opening day demolition of West Ham. Any team that has Lukaku is going to stand a chance with a half decent squad around him. That said, Pogba looks motivated this year and the underperforming players of last year all seemed to have real drive on Sunday. As stated earlier, week 1 means nothing but if United continue to play like this then have to give the league a real run this year.

End of season predictions. Controversy abounds.

This is the post in where i give my Premier League end of season predictions and I otherwise ignore the fact that i haven’t posted for month. Here we go…

Lets start with relegations! Some of you may feel you’ve been relegated to a sub-par blog by reading this. Sunderland know how you feel. As it stands they are 9 points from safety with a game in hand. It’s pretty obvious they are favorites for the fall. Not a controversial opinion here but i agree. How could they miraculously save themselves? A win out would do it. To do that they’d have to beat Arsenal and Chelsea the last two games of the season. Unlikely. Lets say the teams around Sunderland begin dropping points. Now lets say Sunderland wins all of the following games: vs struggling Arsenal, at Middlesbrough, vs Bournemouth, at Hull City, and vs Swansea. That’s 15 points and 9 off of their relegation brethren. Could it happen?? In truth this team needed points months ago and it is much too late.

Perhaps equally unlikely is a Middlesbrough recovery (ever the optimist right?). They currently sit at 24 points, 6 points out of the drop. Here’s the problem: they need wins and they can’t score goals. Bad combination. Playing for draws all year in the hopes that those add up is not a bad strategy for your first year back in the top flight. But when it doesn’t work there’s got to be a plan B. Any plan that involves goals is what Middlesbrough need as they have scored 23 all year. That’s a goal every 1.4 games. Their schedule isn’t easy either: City, Chelsea, Southampton, and Liverpool are what they have to look forward to.

Now we get to the interesting part. One of these two team will be enjoying another year of top flight football with that lucrative Premier League TV deal. The other will be taking cold trips to Barnsley next year. For me Hull City will be staying another year. I look at their schedule and see two winnable games against Watford and Sunderland. I also see Swansea with two wins left in them; at Sunderland and versus West Brom. This keeps the two point gap in Hull City’s favor and ensures Swansea’s demise. A drop for either of them is probably fair. Swansea have been atrocious this season and have gone through managers like Bob Marley did Baby-mama’s. That said Hull City have an even worse goal difference at -33 currently. It’s hard to say a team is owed to stay up if with that kind of differential. Still, for me, they survive.

Relegated: Sunderland, Middlesbrough, and Swansea.

Top 4 predictions:
Chelsea
Tottenham
Man City
Liverpool

Chelsea winning with the current top 4 intact? Controversial i know. Here’s why i have Chelsea winning despite Tottenham in better form. Look at each teams remaining games. Tottenham have Crystal Palace, Arsenal, West Ham, Man United, and Leicester City. Palace, West Ham, and Leicester all have had a resurgence and are playing a lot better. All are very winnable games but i can’t see them winning all. Chelsea have real tests remaining and have room for slip ups. Seems cut and dry to me.

The top 4 is perhaps a more interesting battle. The only thing i flipped was Liverpool and City. I actually don’t think Liverpool will bottle it this year. They are very depleted but I think Klopp will get 3 wins out of the remaining fixtures. City have no real tests left and have a game in hand on Liverpool. The real intrigue here is with Manchester United. I only see 3-4 wins here against Southampton, Burnley, Swansea, and Arsenal. That puts them right at the edge of the top 4 but not enough to crack it. Of course history should tell me that United will manage to overtake Liverpool somehow. But i think this is a year where Liverpool overtake United as an annual contender.

Weeks 28-29: Not a Frenchman's Fuck

 




















You have to wonder wether if Pep Guardiola was at Barcelona or Real Madrid would he be afforded games like these. The result against Stoke was very Stoke like. They get an away point at a sparsely attended Etihad after weathering a Mancunian storm. But for City bigger questions lie. Like will anyone be left on this team come August? Guardiola seems not too impressed and even the ones performing well seem to not play the style that Pep wants to implement.

Hull City found themselves on the winning end of a game, something they’ve done much too little of this season. It’s a big 3 points for their survival make no mistake. When you're near the bottom of the table no fixtures look easy. But for Hull their end of season looks like a nightmare. They’ll be looking to knock points off of Middlesbrough and Sunderland to ensure their survival. As for Swansea this loss looks bad but they have some very winnable games left. I think this is the lowest they are the rest of the season and fancy them still for survival.

Could someone tell me how you defend against Romelu Lukaku? This guy seems to have everything. Unfortunately complete footballers aren’t synonymous with Everton and after this weeks emphatic win he announced that he would not sign a new contract with Everton FC. We all knew the end would come as Lukaku isn’t content to carry the 7th best team in England. After this news Lukaku then went on to show to that he is in fact too good for Everton by getting a brace in a rout of Hull City. The big boys are coming for him this summer and Everton will have to find a replacement.

Liverpool did something they’ve done little of this year. A comeback win against a lowly team was just what the doctor ordered. It was ugly and it was shaky but Liverpool are currently at their 3rd highest point total in the Premier League after this many games. Just goes to show you how far ahead Chelsea really are. Liverpool then followed this up with a scintillating draw at Manchester city to ensure that they will not have lost a game to the top 6 this season. They aren’t giving points to the teams around them which is good. The rest of the year will define the season as top 4 is totally achievable. However, the lower, scrappier teams that Liverpool have left are the one’s they’ve struggled with and have had no answer for.

Arsenal was one of the teams who didn’t play their week 28 game so they should have been chomping at the bit to play a Premier League game right? Arsenal has looked utterly uninspiring the past few months. This isn’t exactly ground breaking news. My angle on this is that it looks so similar to Ranieri’s firing. The players just don’t seem to want to play for Wenger. Not sure there’s any other option than one at this point. It seems only a matter of when.


Oh and Chelsea gutted out a 2-1 win. I’m getting tired of typing that.

Week 27: The Poor get Poorer

 


United drew to Bournemouth at home in a game you’d really expect them to win. Especially when you consider they were up a goal, and later were playing against 10 man Bournemouth. Zlatan had a penalty saved to add to Mourinho’s misery. This United team is hard to defeat but they don’t score many goals, having scored only 2 more than Bournemouth themselves this season. The real story of the match was the feud between Ibrahimovic and Mings though as each were involved in a posthumous banning. Mings made a dangerous stamp on Ibrahimovic’s head while Zlatan returned the favor with an elbow smack to the head. Although common in the streets of Edinburgh, such violent acts were apparently not tolerated by the FA and Mings was given a 5 game ban while Ibrahimovic was given a 3 game ban.

A Crystal Palace win ensured that things just keeping worse at the bottom of the table. Loanee Sakho once again proved his worth as Palace kept a clean sheet. For the first goal Zaha outsmarted Chris Brunt as Brunt was caught not watching the ball. Then Townsend, moving about as fast as your nan after her bowel movement, went the length of the pitch and scored the second. More importantly this result was damning for the bottom three as Middlesbrough, Hull City, and Sunderland now sit firmly in relegation all having lost.

The huge matchup of the weekend was two worst best teams of 2017 so far: Liverpool and Arsenal. Liverpool go from relegation fodder one week to champions quality the next. Unfortunately for Arsene Wenger this week it was top quality. Although he may have done himself in by leaving Alexis Sanchez on the bench, a move that baffled most as he can score out of nothing. Sanchez made his feelings known by smiling from the bench as Arsenal slowly capitulated throughout the game. In an age of mercenaries Wenger may be a dying breed; he has few friends among the players at Arsenal. For Arsenal this brings huge questions on their future not just the rest of the season but heading into the summer. For Liverpool the unpredictable is becoming all too commonplace and predictable. Which of course means a loss to Burnley next week.

Like Muhammad Ali and Joe Frazier in ’75 it was a matchup of two of the best strikers in the league. Harry Kane and Romelu Lukaka simply cannot be contained and their quality was on full display. Like the cheeky Englishman he is, Kane scored the opener from much too far out and it eeked in the corner. Lukaka showed why he might be too good for Everton as he was about the only thing that kept them in the match. For Tottenham it means they’re that much closer to locking down 2nd place for a 2nd consecutive year. For Everton, it means they are still a few key pieces away from competing with the big boys. Keeping Lukaku will be a win for them this off season.

West Ham showed exactly what you don’t do against Chelsea. For their first goal they were completely beaten on a counter attack after Chelsea absorbed pressure. Once it was in Hazard’s hands there was never any doubt. In truth the scoreline is flattering to West Ham as they didn’t strike until late. Seeing as it’s all but their trophy now, what do you reckon Chelsea will do on Holiday this summer? Will Diego Costa get skin rejuvenation in Germany to once again look like the world’s oldest youngest man (Google pictures for ‘young Diego Costa)? Will Hazard ménage with Wenger and Giroud bubblebath style? Stay tuned for the summer edition of this blog to find out all the exciting details.

Week 26: The Premier League Champions won a game this year.

 


Like finding out your date was a tranny, Crystal Palace confuse me. They have plenty of talent on this squad yet they have failed to perform all year. This week however they get a very good result. This vital win still sees them in the relegation zone however they are level on points with a slipping Middlesbrough. More importantly it was a one sided Palace win with a clean sheet. They brought in Mamadou Sakho to help shore that up and apparently it is working. Well see if this Palace teem can get any consistency.

I’m sure this is the last time i’ll say this: It was the Michael Keane show as Burnley drew against Hull City. He gave away the penalty that allowed Hull to go up. Then scored the equalizer that tied the game and denied Hull their 3 points. 3 critical points at that. Although they’ll take any points at this point in the season. Burnley are clear and safe at this point. I can’t see a situation where they drop low enough with 3 months left.

Everton took a deserved victory although both sides had their chances. Sunderland hit the bar at 1-0 that could’ve completely changed the game. Then Romelu Lukaku scored on a stunning counter-attack that was as effective as the Battle of the Bulge. How about Tom Davies for Everton? Only 18 and a local lad, he looks to be the future of whatever bigger English club buys him. For the moment we shall ignore how much he looks like the King’s son from Braveheart.

Chelsea were looking to cruise as it was a one-sided affair before halftime. Then out of nowhere Swansea scored as the half ended. However Chelsea were able to score again and Swansea was never really in this one. What makes me convinced that Chelsea are going to win the title (controversial, I know) aside from their points lead is that they have a Plan B. They seem to be the only other big team that can switch tactics if things aren’t going great. They are showing an ability later in the season to hold that ball and still score goals now that teams will sit back against them.

When Harry Kane is fit and feeling good you do not to play against him. He’ll never be the one to make lambasting runs on a counter-attack but if he has the ball near your goal he can score from just about anywhere. That is truly invaluable to have on a team and his inability to run may keep to the top top teams from coming after him. He seems a perfect fit for Tottenham when fit. As for Stoke? They are fulfilling everyone’s perception of them of being the definition of Mid-table mediocrity currently sitting at 10th. Safe but not interesting.

Liverpool lost to the reigning Premier League Champions. Normally that would be okay but when that team hadn’t scored a goal yet this calendar year it’s quite embarrassing. This matchup featured arguably the two worst teams of 2017 so far. It’s not looking good for Liverpool as when Mignolet is one of your best players in a game you know things aren’t going well. Two players who wouldn’t be on the pitch without injuries to starters did not play well: Lucas and Can. This is a lack of squad depth and one must really wonder why Liverpool allowed Sakho to go on loan. Lucas looked too slow. That said the entire team was second to every ball and lacked energy after a two week vacation. Hard to see where this team is going to end up as they lack any real consistency. With that i predict a 5-0 win against Arsenal.

Week 25

 



Arsene Wenger looked like Georges Clemenceau in the stands as all he could do was stand back and watch at the moment of battle. The question with this team is who will step up when Arsene needs them the most? Apparently the answer to that is that no one gives their full body for him, just a hand. Apparently the ref apologized before the end of the game saying that the ball that went off of Alexis’ hand should not have been allowed. I’ve hear much deliberation, including many pundits who say that the goal should stand as it was un-intentional and therefore a goal by law. To me when you’re right in front of the goal and you kick it off your hand and in then it should not be a goal. Period. Apparently the only other players hand to step up for him was Sam Clucas’ as his late red card for hand ball on the line gave Arsenal a penalty that was cooly converted by Alexis Sanchez.

Southampton swept aside Sunderland 4-0 and Manolo Gabbiadini scored a brace in his second game for them. That brings his total to 3 goals in two games and at about $15 mil he looks real quality. Just the type of smart, quality move that Southampton will surely send to Liverpool for twice the price in a couple years. For Southampton it puts them firmly in mid-table. For Sunderland this kind of result obviously isn’t good but they wont’ be disheartened. They sit bottom but they know that they have to go for a win in every game they play. They somehow manage to do it every year, why not this one too?

Liverpool fear playing teams at the bottom like Sunderland. But against they top 6 they have the best record in the league. That continued this week and Liverpool ran rampant over Tottenham. Or more accurately, Sadio Mané ran rampant. He went clear through on his first goal as his pace could not be matched before perfect balance allowed him to convert. Then sheer luck as Lloris saved two consecutive shots and the final ball fell to Mané who still had to rifle it past 2 defenders on the goal line. Certainly points against the top of the table are important but Liverpools achilles heel is still bottom sides that park the bus.

Chelsea have a lot of room for error now. Although you’d normally expect Chelsea to sweep aside Burnley, Burnley have been quality this year. With an 8 point gap it certainly makes the title race more interesting. What did we learn from this result? Chelsea are susceptible on set pieces. That said scoring more than 1 goal against them has been difficult. So Chelsea know they don’t have to blow people out, they can continue getting a few goals each match and still comfortably be champions. I wouldn’t expect a Rocky movie-esque finish to the season is what i’m trying to say.

Apollo Creed got a comfortable win against an opponent you’d expect them to beat. Although they are downplaying a title chase they are certainly in it if no one else. Even if they don’t catch Chelsea they will see all the positives in this season, namely the coming of age of many young stars. At the moment it seems like the league’s best forward Sergio Aguero may find himself on the outside of this squad over the summer. Baffling. That said, there are holes in this squad and i expect them to be filled the City way: money. I think next year, and certainly by 2 years, City will have the best squad and the best manager in England.

Week 24

 


Chelsea takes the lead early on a Petr Cech miscue. He is after all a Chelsea player at heart. And Arsenal should have leveled it before half! But for the lack of talent he showed for only last year he has truly come up with one of the best solo goals you’ll ever see as he takes on Arsenal by himself. Chelsea are strutting right. Arsenal are reaching the point in the season they become Arsenal.

Everton are really showing the class that they used to be. I back Ronald Koeman for long term success with this club. Everton is a club who doesn’t like a constant turnover of managers and since David Moyes took his Scottish ways with him they have been looking for someone exactly like Koeman. But he may have to rethink where all his goals come from next year as Romelu Lukaku looks likely leave this summer with some reports saying as high as $100 million. Unlikely but you don’t lead the Premier League in goals and not draw some attention from high bidders.

Hull City added more misery to Liverpool’s start to 2017. Although they won’t particularly care that it’s specifically against Liverpool they have earned a vital 3 points despite barely holding the ball. They are in 18th and the bottom 4 seem to be rotating week to week. This relegation battle looks to be one of the best of recent memory. For Liverpool, this defeat leaves them with major question marks as to how the season will continue. Klopp is clearly the right man but he rarely takes a club by storm. He likes to build over time and in a sport as volatile as football he is asking a lot from the fans. I think FSG will stick with him for the long term though.

It was a week in which the bottom 2 won and the 3rd from bottom lost to one of those two teams. Sunderland spanked Crystal Palace 4-0 and now the bottom 6 teams are within 2 points of each other! I have defended Crystal Palace until this point but now i’m jumping off the bandwagon. They truly are the Cleveland Browns of the Premier League this season and they will be punished. They are last to every ball and they don’t play like a team despite having competent players. They remind me of the QPR team that got relegated a few seasons ago.

As far as future stars i think Manchester City have the among the best in the league. They all shone bright in the win versus Swansea. They will be inconsistent as young teams are but with Pep Guardiola guiding them the sky is the limit. This season a top 4 finish is the goal and will set them up for a stellar 2017-18 season. Today they let Swansea back into a game that they were never really in. City dominated but showed some real strength as they came back to win it.

Week 23

 


A heap of games were thrown in this midweek and relative positions at the topped remained the same. Let’s start with Arsenal who had Arsene Wenger serving the first game of his touchline ban. The most violent a Frenchmen can get is snootiness but in England bad manners are punishable. Perhaps Wenger is truly Arsenal’s 12th man as his team failed to capitalize on this opportunity. They let in a deflected free kick and then were beaten by a mazing run finished off by Troy Deeney. Arsenal had a hill to climb the size of the French Alps and they eventually managed to get a goal by Iwobi. He and Sanchez looked electric and the post was rattled in the dying minutes in what should have been a major comeback. Unfortunately Arsenal and Spurs are the only ones who looked like catching Chelsea and failed to capitalize.

Spurs played out a dull 0-0 draw that surely eliminates anyone’s title hopes if only by the fact that Chelsea lead by so much. It’s a boring result that had large implications at both ends of the table though. Sunderland needed the point as all of a sudden the relegation teams are earning more than ever. Although still in last only 3 points separate them and 18th place Crystal Palace. Palace won btw and even with those 3 points still find themselves clawing out of relegation. They are much too talented of a team to be relegated.

The fear must really be starting to creep in for the Premier League Champions now. They get promoted, barely survive, win the league the next year, and then get relegated?! Surely it can’t be. That would a fantastic tale should it come to fruition. Not only do they look toothless but they have poor resolve but also timing as witnessed by conceding a late winner this week. Really the opposite of the team last year that no one wanted to play.

Chelsea’s gameplay in theory should have worked perfectly at Liverpool: Liverpool must attack so Chelsea can hit them on the counter. In truth either team could have won, and Chelsea should have won. They got their goal from a moment of genius from David Luiz who caught Mignolet out on a set piece. But Liverpool fought back to earn a scrappy goal off Wijnaldum’s header. Then at the other end a penalty was awarded to Chelsea and Mignolet saved Costa’s poor shot. In the end a draw was fair to both sides but it damages Chelsea not at all as most of the teams below them slipped up. They are firm favorites now and it will take a lot for a single other team to overtake them.

There’s just something about West Ham’s new stadium that they apparently don’t like. In the battle of light blue kits they got thoroughly thumped at home. Really not much else to say as we all know City are capable of this kind of performance but the consistency has not been there. I think they have real quality but Pep needs some time to make his stamp.

Week 22

 


Is it possible? Can it be done? Like a Donald Trump campaign or a Brexit vote Swansea City have risen out of the ashes to get a vital win. With more management turnover than the new president’s cabinet picks the newest Swansea manager has got a road win at Liverpool. And with losses by all the other bottom three teams they are no longer in the relegation zone. What a battle this is turning out to be!

Not to go too Scouser heavy but Everton are on a decent run of form. Ross Barkley is playing well and now his Toffees have won 3 of their last 4. They currently find themselves top of the mid-table mediocrity but only one position behind a flying Manchester United. We know Everton will blow it somehow and manage to finish 7th or 8th but for now they are playing really great football.

Guys i really can’t think of anything else to say about how bad Leicester City is. This season i’ve had to come up with new ways to describe what a steaming pile of shit looks like week in and week out. So from here on i shall only refer to them as ‘Premier League Champions.’

Man City 2-2 Tottenham turned out to be one of the better games of the week. Man City roared out to a 2 nil lead mostly thanks to Hugo Lloris errors. Both of which were actually quite laughable as his attempts went straight to an opposing player with no one in goal. Aside from those gifts Man City looked rather toothless in attack and it wasn’t long before Tottenham came storming back for a 2-2 draw. I think they are clearly the better side over City. Pep seems to only be able to jump and scream on the sideline as his team struggles to create and defend.

Arsenal got off to their usual business like work but it all went wrong. Granit Xhaka then got sent off for a challenge in the box and just like that Burnley were level and Arsenal were down to 10 men. But late in stoppage time a questionable high kick glanced the head of Coquelin and Alexis Sanchez’s very cheeky penalty gave them the lead. In the season you need luck to go with your talent. Arsenal fans won’t mind at all with that bit of luck as they now go 2nd on the table.

Oh and Chelsea scored a goal or two and kept a clean sheet. Like every week.

Week 21

Tottenham crushed West Brom as they continue to shoot up the table. Harry Kane bagged his hat-trick and Erikson provided another. This really is a different team with Kane, they finally have a goal scoring threat to go with their fluid build up play. To be honest this could’ve been a complete landslide as West Brom looked thoroughly outclassed. Though they won’t care as they sit at 8th in the table and are comfortably safe.

It was all lopsided results followed by a dud this weekend. This was one of those that got out of control. Swansea were so bad and completely out of position on the first goal that Olivier Giroud got injured in the build up and still scored. I’d imagine his bubble bath with Wenger tonight will require dual baths like in one of those Viagra™ commercials. As if to add to the shit season Swansea’s been having they conceded two more deflected goals. In a relegation battle that may come down to goal difference Swansea now sit dead last.

Crystal Palace add more to their misery with a dismal loss to West Ham. Probably the best of crap teams fighting relegation they have by far the superior goal difference of the bunch. Yet they find themselves at 17th, with only their goal difference keeping them afloat. Unlike the other 3 they can score goals. However finding results is ever evasive for them.

Perhaps the most surprising huge result was the Everton win over Manchester City. Everton were all too glad to show traitorous John Stones who the better team on the day were. It was like the guy from high school who went on to be a rich and successful in a bigger city came back and made a complete fool of himself drinking and vomiting on himself. At the end of the day his life is much better, but you take solace in the fact that you remained true to yourself. Or at least that’s what you tell yourself. Alright, this is less about Everton now and more about me.

Is it just me or is ‘the biggest rivalry in England’ becoming just plain boring? Mourinho sets up for negative tactics, even at home. A Liverpool goal to open it was about the only thing that could draw Mourinho out of his shell. His team looked relieved when they now had to play attacking to get back into the game. And Manchester United were probably better on the day. They were certainly lucky. Paul Pogba must have been taking the same crazy pills his barber does. He gave up a penalty with a blatant handball and then choke slammed Jordan Henderson to the ground on a corner that went unnoticed. How he was still on the pitch was a wonder to me.

Weeks 19-20

 




















Key Results

Chelsea 4 - 2 Stoke City
In week 19 Chelsea continued to cruise at the top. Now, one of my main criticisms was that Chelsea never looked like they could win in a shoot out. They were eeking out 1-0 or 2-0 wins for a while. This time they proved they proved that they could simply outscore their opponents. Their biggest hurdle to the title now is Chinese billionaires buying out their team in the January transfer window.

Burnley 4 - 1 Sunderland
Burnley are finding their own ways to get points. Most importantly they are finding ways to get points against the other teams around the relegation zone. They currently sit 8 points above relegation and I see them easily staying afloat for another season.

Liverpool 1 - 0 Manchester City
Liverpool struck early through an unlikely outlet: a Gini Wijnaldum header on a counter-attack. From there on out it was missed shots and half chances. Most importantly for the Merseysiders it was a win and a clean sheet. For City it leaves a lot of questions. I think it’s much too early to start judging Pep Guardiola. That said his results with City feed the narrative that he has not really built his own team before. He has always inherited a great one. It’s explicitly clear not that Man City will have to be rebuilt and Pep already has many heads lined up for the ax.

West Brom 3 - 1 Hull City.
Perhaps the seasons most unlikely narrative: Where would Hull City be without Robert Snodgrass. His brilliance was not enough to save this sinking ship as bottom dwellers Hull were swept off the pitch after taking a 1-0 lead to halftime. They proceeded to concede twice from corners and defended poorly for the third. It’s a team that lacks fundamentals and that’s where new boss Marco Silva will have to start with less than half a season left. Hull look utterly doomed as they manage to make a mess of things even on a good day.

Bournemouth 3 - 3 Arsenal
Well Arsenal find themselves down by 3 on the road and come back to rescue a point. After the game Arsene Wenger said that his team was tired due to run of fixtures but no team that is exhausted comes back from 3-0 and levels it. Perhaps a lack of energy to start the match sure. Even with the result Arsenal find themselves outside the top 4 and below Tottenham.

Swansea City 2 - 1 Crystal Palace
Swansea City find a way to get their 3 points after a majorly disappointing and rocky season. This one’s big as it also pulls Crystal Palace closer to relegation. There are now 4 distinct teams in and around relegation and only one will survive.

Liverpool 2 - 2 Sunderland
Liverpool played their 2nd game in 3 days and they looked ragged. Despite creating chances they allowed Sunderland into this with 2 penalties. A draw counts but at the top of the table only wins will keep you afloat.

Tottenham 2-0 Chelsea
Liverpool were helped out though by a Chelsea loss. Suddenly Tottenham have come out of nowhere and find themselves in third. They’ve found found form like last season and if they can make it last may just give another title run.