Week 22

 


Is it possible? Can it be done? Like a Donald Trump campaign or a Brexit vote Swansea City have risen out of the ashes to get a vital win. With more management turnover than the new president’s cabinet picks the newest Swansea manager has got a road win at Liverpool. And with losses by all the other bottom three teams they are no longer in the relegation zone. What a battle this is turning out to be!

Not to go too Scouser heavy but Everton are on a decent run of form. Ross Barkley is playing well and now his Toffees have won 3 of their last 4. They currently find themselves top of the mid-table mediocrity but only one position behind a flying Manchester United. We know Everton will blow it somehow and manage to finish 7th or 8th but for now they are playing really great football.

Guys i really can’t think of anything else to say about how bad Leicester City is. This season i’ve had to come up with new ways to describe what a steaming pile of shit looks like week in and week out. So from here on i shall only refer to them as ‘Premier League Champions.’

Man City 2-2 Tottenham turned out to be one of the better games of the week. Man City roared out to a 2 nil lead mostly thanks to Hugo Lloris errors. Both of which were actually quite laughable as his attempts went straight to an opposing player with no one in goal. Aside from those gifts Man City looked rather toothless in attack and it wasn’t long before Tottenham came storming back for a 2-2 draw. I think they are clearly the better side over City. Pep seems to only be able to jump and scream on the sideline as his team struggles to create and defend.

Arsenal got off to their usual business like work but it all went wrong. Granit Xhaka then got sent off for a challenge in the box and just like that Burnley were level and Arsenal were down to 10 men. But late in stoppage time a questionable high kick glanced the head of Coquelin and Alexis Sanchez’s very cheeky penalty gave them the lead. In the season you need luck to go with your talent. Arsenal fans won’t mind at all with that bit of luck as they now go 2nd on the table.

Oh and Chelsea scored a goal or two and kept a clean sheet. Like every week.

Week 21

Tottenham crushed West Brom as they continue to shoot up the table. Harry Kane bagged his hat-trick and Erikson provided another. This really is a different team with Kane, they finally have a goal scoring threat to go with their fluid build up play. To be honest this could’ve been a complete landslide as West Brom looked thoroughly outclassed. Though they won’t care as they sit at 8th in the table and are comfortably safe.

It was all lopsided results followed by a dud this weekend. This was one of those that got out of control. Swansea were so bad and completely out of position on the first goal that Olivier Giroud got injured in the build up and still scored. I’d imagine his bubble bath with Wenger tonight will require dual baths like in one of those Viagra™ commercials. As if to add to the shit season Swansea’s been having they conceded two more deflected goals. In a relegation battle that may come down to goal difference Swansea now sit dead last.

Crystal Palace add more to their misery with a dismal loss to West Ham. Probably the best of crap teams fighting relegation they have by far the superior goal difference of the bunch. Yet they find themselves at 17th, with only their goal difference keeping them afloat. Unlike the other 3 they can score goals. However finding results is ever evasive for them.

Perhaps the most surprising huge result was the Everton win over Manchester City. Everton were all too glad to show traitorous John Stones who the better team on the day were. It was like the guy from high school who went on to be a rich and successful in a bigger city came back and made a complete fool of himself drinking and vomiting on himself. At the end of the day his life is much better, but you take solace in the fact that you remained true to yourself. Or at least that’s what you tell yourself. Alright, this is less about Everton now and more about me.

Is it just me or is ‘the biggest rivalry in England’ becoming just plain boring? Mourinho sets up for negative tactics, even at home. A Liverpool goal to open it was about the only thing that could draw Mourinho out of his shell. His team looked relieved when they now had to play attacking to get back into the game. And Manchester United were probably better on the day. They were certainly lucky. Paul Pogba must have been taking the same crazy pills his barber does. He gave up a penalty with a blatant handball and then choke slammed Jordan Henderson to the ground on a corner that went unnoticed. How he was still on the pitch was a wonder to me.

Weeks 19-20

 




















Key Results

Chelsea 4 - 2 Stoke City
In week 19 Chelsea continued to cruise at the top. Now, one of my main criticisms was that Chelsea never looked like they could win in a shoot out. They were eeking out 1-0 or 2-0 wins for a while. This time they proved they proved that they could simply outscore their opponents. Their biggest hurdle to the title now is Chinese billionaires buying out their team in the January transfer window.

Burnley 4 - 1 Sunderland
Burnley are finding their own ways to get points. Most importantly they are finding ways to get points against the other teams around the relegation zone. They currently sit 8 points above relegation and I see them easily staying afloat for another season.

Liverpool 1 - 0 Manchester City
Liverpool struck early through an unlikely outlet: a Gini Wijnaldum header on a counter-attack. From there on out it was missed shots and half chances. Most importantly for the Merseysiders it was a win and a clean sheet. For City it leaves a lot of questions. I think it’s much too early to start judging Pep Guardiola. That said his results with City feed the narrative that he has not really built his own team before. He has always inherited a great one. It’s explicitly clear not that Man City will have to be rebuilt and Pep already has many heads lined up for the ax.

West Brom 3 - 1 Hull City.
Perhaps the seasons most unlikely narrative: Where would Hull City be without Robert Snodgrass. His brilliance was not enough to save this sinking ship as bottom dwellers Hull were swept off the pitch after taking a 1-0 lead to halftime. They proceeded to concede twice from corners and defended poorly for the third. It’s a team that lacks fundamentals and that’s where new boss Marco Silva will have to start with less than half a season left. Hull look utterly doomed as they manage to make a mess of things even on a good day.

Bournemouth 3 - 3 Arsenal
Well Arsenal find themselves down by 3 on the road and come back to rescue a point. After the game Arsene Wenger said that his team was tired due to run of fixtures but no team that is exhausted comes back from 3-0 and levels it. Perhaps a lack of energy to start the match sure. Even with the result Arsenal find themselves outside the top 4 and below Tottenham.

Swansea City 2 - 1 Crystal Palace
Swansea City find a way to get their 3 points after a majorly disappointing and rocky season. This one’s big as it also pulls Crystal Palace closer to relegation. There are now 4 distinct teams in and around relegation and only one will survive.

Liverpool 2 - 2 Sunderland
Liverpool played their 2nd game in 3 days and they looked ragged. Despite creating chances they allowed Sunderland into this with 2 penalties. A draw counts but at the top of the table only wins will keep you afloat.

Tottenham 2-0 Chelsea
Liverpool were helped out though by a Chelsea loss. Suddenly Tottenham have come out of nowhere and find themselves in third. They’ve found found form like last season and if they can make it last may just give another title run.

Week 18

 


        Crystal Palace can’t seem to do anything easy. They should’ve had Watford here but a tame penalty from Christian Benteke was saved and they gave away the cheap equalizer. Those could’ve been key points for them but once again the find themselves hovering two points above relegation.

Arsenal toiled and finally got their deserved three points late. These are the type of wins you expect from Arsenal as they tend to pick up their points from the lower sides. That win really makes the top four competitive.

West Ham continue to push up the table closer to where they should be after a dismal start of the season. Swansea however looked poor again. Whether shocking or not, Swansea City boss Bob Bradley was fired after a record of 2-2-9. Given, this wan’t much worse than the man he succeeded but management was expecting a boost from Bob and it never really came. It’s not yet 2017 and Swansea will be on their third boss of the year. They are clutching at straws and really look desperate. It’s hard not to see them favored for the drop.

Speaking of the drop Sunderland got dropped by United 1-3. United looked as good as they have all season and their form is great as of late. They are closing in on the top four which i still expect them to finish in. Sunderland look desperate and their run of fixtures does not get easier. How many seasons can they get away with playing with fire?

The leaders show once again why they are the leaders with their 12th straight win. This time in the form of a more convincing victory. They hold their 6 point lead at the top and it’s hard to see them losing it at this point. Not sure what else to write about them. Bournemouth won’t be bothered as they will continue to pick their points need be and remain in the league.

Everton are trying to get out of mid-table mediocrity with another win, this time against Leicester City. This Leicester team makes nothing easy on themselves. Quite the opposite from last season which i’m sure their tired of hearing at this point. Everton’s problem is I don't see where they would fit in the top 6 and 7th seems to have their number written all over it.

Manchester City continue to display fine quality with an emphatic win over Hull. I’ve talked quite a bit about them so maybe we’ll focus on the losers Hull City. After 2 early wins this season i believe they have only won one game since then. Truly abysmal. Should they or Swansea not be relegated i’d be quite surprised.

Liverpool continue winning ways after a difficult start. Stoke went ahead early but Liverpool came storming back. Late on Sturridge came on and got his first Premier League goal of the season. Not a bad sub to start finding the net since Mane will be gone at the African Cup of Nations.

Tottenham played a similar game in that they went down early and came roaring back to a 4-1 win. That was an important one too as Man U are trying to put heat on them. Tottenham are currently 1 point out of 4th which Arsenal hold. Of course we all know which side of Arsenal they’ll finish…

Week 17

 Aside from early on, Crystal Palace never really looked like scoring. Which is a terrible prospect when playing Chelsea. Chelsea certainly do one thing well: score on you and shut up shop (not from a lack of trying though.) One feels that Chelsea can’t keep missing this many opportunities and still be crowned champions. Yet nearly half way through the season they find themselves 6 points clear.

Middlesbrough are taking their points well and taking them where they can get them. After getting thrashed 3-0 they turn the tables the next week and return the favor to Swansea. They are one of the bottom eight or so who find themselves fighting relegation but if they can get the points against the teams at the bottom then they are safe. Swansea on the other hand… not sure Michael Bradley had much of a chance to begin with when he took over this team. I still tip him to save the Swans though.

Stoke City drop points while Leicester City gain a crucial point. Stoke have among their best team in years yet aren’t really living up to potential. However I see them clicking and finding form throughout the rest of the season and can see them as a team no one wants to play on the road. Leicester City are just happy with their points as staying in the league is their only goal this season.

Sunderland got a crucial win against Watford and it moved them out of last. There’s something about Sunderland that they know how to just survive every year. Something I wish to apply to my own family’s Christmas this year.

Manchester United appear to be in form now and they’re really not that far out. A game behind Tottenham and two behind City. Should they be able to keep this run going they can make a decent shot at the top four. I’m calling it 50/50 at this point. We’ll see if Mourinho can work his magic. Pogba is beginning to really take over games and if they can feed Ibra i don’t see why they can’t pick up plenty of points.

Another week Arsenal take the lead, another week they lose 2-1. At times it appears as though Alexis Sanchez straps this team on his back and carry them as he did for the opening goal. However, just after half the Eric Andre lookalike Leroy Sane got his first City goal to draw level. Then De Bruyne had an expansive pass that gave Sterling much work to do. He quickly shifted his feet and went near post as David Silva appeared to at least hinder Petr Cech’s sight of the ball. Unfair goal but it stood and it appeared that as the game was going that City would’ve won anyway. This certainly shakes up the top 4!

Then Tottenham got back to winning ways as they felt United breathing down their necks. The following day saw the final game of match week 17 between Everton and visiting Liverpool for the Merseyside Derby. If it was skill and goals you were looking for look elsewhere. Tackles came crunching in and Ross Barley was lucky to stay on the pitch in the rivalry that has produced the most red cards of any Premier League fixture. Liverpool left it all late though as Mane scored off the post-bound shot of Sturridge in stoppage time. They moved up to second but it’s a distant second of 6 points behind leaders Chelsea.

Weeks 15 and 16

Since this week had two fixtures i’m going to group them together and give a synopsis that you probably could’ve done on your own.

Arsenal

won 3-1 vs Stoke

lost 1-2 vs Everton

Just when Arsenal fans were dreaming they had to remind them that they are indeed Arsenal. Like a case of the crabs i think this will be a temporary and fixable setback for them and i see them returning to winning ways most of the rest of the season. But, you know. Not too much to win the damn thing.

Bournemouth

lost 2-3 vs Burnley

won 1-0 vs Leicester City

For a team like Bournemouth you look at Burnley as a team to pick up points on. But Burnley have surprised many this year. Conversely, Leicester City have failed to live up to expectations and it’s no surprise that Bournemouth picked up a win here. I see them staying where they currently are: mid-table.

Burnley

won 3-2 Bournemouth

lost 0-1 West Ham

Burnley are a scrappy bunch and i personally find them fun to watch. Their result against Bournemouth was well earned and a slip up against a West Ham side finding results will not dampen their season. They look well safe from relegation this season.

Chelsea

won 1-0 vs West Brom

won 1-0 vs Sunderland

Chelsea don’t necessarily blow you off the pitch. Nor off the pitch. Not sure what i’m getting at there. What i’m really trying to say is that they are getting results and lead the table. Can’t argue with those facts. Only question is if the man who has looked 45 since he was born, Diego Costa, get injured then who fills in to score a single goal each game?

Crystal Palace 

tied 3-3 vs Hull City

lost 1-2 vs Man United

Unpredictability inherently comes with the risk of danger. I see 2 equally likely outcomes for CP’s unpredictable season. The first is that they take the goals they can frenetically score and shore up their defense to move up the table. The second is that they continue to concede regardless of how many 3+ goal games. 

Everton 

lost 2-3 vs Watford

Won 2-1 vs Arsenal

Who are this Everton team? They follow a run of abysmal results with a win against Arsenal. The only certain thing in their team is that Romelu Lukaku will leaving as their boss indicated as much. I think he covers some major holes in this team and will be sorely missed regardless of who is bought to fill his shoes. For Everton’s sake they better hope they can delay it until the summer.

Hull City

lost 0-1 vs Middlesbrough

draw 3-3 vs Crystal Palace

They were a pick by many to sink this year and they certainly have lived up to that. If you let Middlesbrough get a goal on you without scoring yourself it’s going to be a hard time. I think the draw against CP is a good point though. The relegation zone always comes down to a few points and this could important if it stops the bleeding.

Leicester City

won 4-2 vs Man City

lost 0-1 vs Bournemouth

Anyone who wears blue this year is defying expectations. As inconsistent as they may be Leicester may just be crazy enough to stay up this year with results like they got against Man City.

Liverpool

draw 2-2 vs West Ham

won 3-0 vs Middlesbrough

Arsene Wenger believes that after a loss it is important to just not lose again. That will be the foundation to build on. Liverpool were able to get a draw vs West Ham and then turn in a emphatic result the next match. I see them returning to winning ways and looking to secure the top 4. 

Man City

lost 2-4 vs Leicester City

won 2-0 vs Watford

Like your habitually sobering up uncle getting drunk and screaming at Christmas, Man City continue to be a wild card. This is defying how many, including myself, viewed them before the season as sure challengers. 

Man United

won 1-0 vs Tottenham

won 2-1 vs Crystal Palace

Who is this United we’ve seen the past couple weeks? Consistency? It all feels so new much like a new lover. But will the this form be just a fling or love at long last? Tune in the The Barclays Premier League next week to find out. 

Middlesbrough

lost 0-1 vs Southampton

lost 0-3 vs Liverpool

We all knew Middlesbrough would be fighting for their lives this year. They are lowest scorers in the league and must solely rely on their defense. Should they find themselves in the relegation zone in the final weeks i think their strategy will catch up to them. They will go down.

Southampton

won 1-0 vs Middlesbrough

draw 0-0 vs Stoke City

*Yawn* Southampton are destined for the middle of the table. Nothing big coming their way but they continue to make that Premier League money. Fair enough.

Stoke City

lost 1-3 vs Arsenal

draw 0-0 vs Southampton

Not really scoring goals at the moment but the talents in there. They will probably gain a few table positions the rest of the season.

Sunderland

lost 0-3 vs Swansea

lost 0-1 vs Chelsea

They can’t score, they can’t play defense. They sit bottom of the table. All the right things for sure fire relegation right? Seems like we say this every year yet they still survive. I’m going to say that much like Henry Hill this will be the year living on the edge finally catches up with them.

Swansea City

won 3-0 vs Sunderland

lost 1-3 vs West Brom

They’re getting their points where they need to. I think Bob Bradley will slowly right this ship. I think they just survive this season.

Tottenham

lost 0-1 vs Man United

won 3-0 vs Hull City

Clearly not playing with the vigor of last season. I do see them running very close to the top 4 as they seem to get all the results against teams lower than them. Possibly knocking Liverpool or City out of a spot.

Watford

won 3-2 vs Everton

lost 0-2 vs Man City

Doing well for themselves and a mid table finish would suit them well. A team i have very few opinions on…

West Brom

lost 0-1 vs Chelsea

won 3-1 vs Swansea

A Tony Pulis side will always get their points. It’s never pretty but neither is West Bromwich itself. It’s just that no one saw them doing this well. A win at United this weekend would be huge for them and almost surely secure their season.

West Ham

draw 2-2 vs Liverpool

won 1-0 vs Burnley

This team that played so well last season is finally starting to find some of that magic. They threw away and then hung on to a point at Liverpool and then got a win against Burnley. Results are starting to come for them and they will pull away from the relegation zone slowly but surely.

Week 14

  The game of the week was a thriller! Leaders Chelsea took on contenders Man City in what was a clash of giants at the top. City took the lead through a Gary Cahill own goal. De Bruyne really should’ve added on to the tally but much like the falling airplane in Allied it was always bound to miss. Don’t be mistaken there was no Brad Pitt-Marion Cotillard love affair between these two sides and when Chelsea came storming back in the second half the tensions flared with a Kun Aguero red followed promptly by Fernandinho also being sent off. It was all the tension and drama the Premier League is known for with even few goals spattered in there. Brilliant.

Leicester City continue their crash toward Earth and, more importantly, the relegation zone. They look more likely to repeat 2014-15 than 2015-16 at this point and i’m not sure what else to say about them. Hopefully they put all their ducks in the Champions League and become the first team in the Championship to also be in the Champions League. Lowly Sunderland took their points quite happily and gave plenty of fodder for talk about the bottom of the table. They remain in by one point.

Ever wanted to see a blatant red card for a karate kick to the face a-la Erik Cantona? Dojo master Neil Taylor did just that to Kyle Walker. Had Vine not gone under I should imagine that would one of their top sports videos. If kicking studs to face doesn’t get you sent off I don’t know what does. Not that Swansea used that good luck to turn the game in their favor. They were swept aside like all plans of dieting before Christmas. It’s early December and Swansea appear sunk. Tottenham meanwhile hold firmly onto fifth. Cheers.

West Ham are really facing an identity crisis in more ways than one. Does this giant, classy new stadium reflect the West Ham we all know? Where’s the grit and East End heart? Apparently the players don’t know either and they were crushed by a London blitz as Arsenal emerged with a big win. The Gunners really clicking right now, huh? They move second, and deservedly so.

Pool play their game plan perfectly. It looks to all be going their way just as Bournemouth gave themselves a lifeline at 2-1, Can scored to seal the deal. That’s all I can seem to remember about that game. Moving on…

Everton and United played to a thrilling draw. Marcus Rojo should’ve been sent off early for a two studded tackle. Instead only sees yellow. Probably for the benefit of the game. The Zlatan emerges when he feels like it and this appears to be the second time this season he’s consistently finding the net. Late on Mourinho looked to shut up shop by bringing Sideshow Bob  on. However, in a twist of fate it was Fellaini who earned Everton a penalty late that equalized the home team.