Weeks 28-29: Not a Frenchman's Fuck

 




















You have to wonder wether if Pep Guardiola was at Barcelona or Real Madrid would he be afforded games like these. The result against Stoke was very Stoke like. They get an away point at a sparsely attended Etihad after weathering a Mancunian storm. But for City bigger questions lie. Like will anyone be left on this team come August? Guardiola seems not too impressed and even the ones performing well seem to not play the style that Pep wants to implement.

Hull City found themselves on the winning end of a game, something they’ve done much too little of this season. It’s a big 3 points for their survival make no mistake. When you're near the bottom of the table no fixtures look easy. But for Hull their end of season looks like a nightmare. They’ll be looking to knock points off of Middlesbrough and Sunderland to ensure their survival. As for Swansea this loss looks bad but they have some very winnable games left. I think this is the lowest they are the rest of the season and fancy them still for survival.

Could someone tell me how you defend against Romelu Lukaku? This guy seems to have everything. Unfortunately complete footballers aren’t synonymous with Everton and after this weeks emphatic win he announced that he would not sign a new contract with Everton FC. We all knew the end would come as Lukaku isn’t content to carry the 7th best team in England. After this news Lukaku then went on to show to that he is in fact too good for Everton by getting a brace in a rout of Hull City. The big boys are coming for him this summer and Everton will have to find a replacement.

Liverpool did something they’ve done little of this year. A comeback win against a lowly team was just what the doctor ordered. It was ugly and it was shaky but Liverpool are currently at their 3rd highest point total in the Premier League after this many games. Just goes to show you how far ahead Chelsea really are. Liverpool then followed this up with a scintillating draw at Manchester city to ensure that they will not have lost a game to the top 6 this season. They aren’t giving points to the teams around them which is good. The rest of the year will define the season as top 4 is totally achievable. However, the lower, scrappier teams that Liverpool have left are the one’s they’ve struggled with and have had no answer for.

Arsenal was one of the teams who didn’t play their week 28 game so they should have been chomping at the bit to play a Premier League game right? Arsenal has looked utterly uninspiring the past few months. This isn’t exactly ground breaking news. My angle on this is that it looks so similar to Ranieri’s firing. The players just don’t seem to want to play for Wenger. Not sure there’s any other option than one at this point. It seems only a matter of when.


Oh and Chelsea gutted out a 2-1 win. I’m getting tired of typing that.

Week 27: The Poor get Poorer

 


United drew to Bournemouth at home in a game you’d really expect them to win. Especially when you consider they were up a goal, and later were playing against 10 man Bournemouth. Zlatan had a penalty saved to add to Mourinho’s misery. This United team is hard to defeat but they don’t score many goals, having scored only 2 more than Bournemouth themselves this season. The real story of the match was the feud between Ibrahimovic and Mings though as each were involved in a posthumous banning. Mings made a dangerous stamp on Ibrahimovic’s head while Zlatan returned the favor with an elbow smack to the head. Although common in the streets of Edinburgh, such violent acts were apparently not tolerated by the FA and Mings was given a 5 game ban while Ibrahimovic was given a 3 game ban.

A Crystal Palace win ensured that things just keeping worse at the bottom of the table. Loanee Sakho once again proved his worth as Palace kept a clean sheet. For the first goal Zaha outsmarted Chris Brunt as Brunt was caught not watching the ball. Then Townsend, moving about as fast as your nan after her bowel movement, went the length of the pitch and scored the second. More importantly this result was damning for the bottom three as Middlesbrough, Hull City, and Sunderland now sit firmly in relegation all having lost.

The huge matchup of the weekend was two worst best teams of 2017 so far: Liverpool and Arsenal. Liverpool go from relegation fodder one week to champions quality the next. Unfortunately for Arsene Wenger this week it was top quality. Although he may have done himself in by leaving Alexis Sanchez on the bench, a move that baffled most as he can score out of nothing. Sanchez made his feelings known by smiling from the bench as Arsenal slowly capitulated throughout the game. In an age of mercenaries Wenger may be a dying breed; he has few friends among the players at Arsenal. For Arsenal this brings huge questions on their future not just the rest of the season but heading into the summer. For Liverpool the unpredictable is becoming all too commonplace and predictable. Which of course means a loss to Burnley next week.

Like Muhammad Ali and Joe Frazier in ’75 it was a matchup of two of the best strikers in the league. Harry Kane and Romelu Lukaka simply cannot be contained and their quality was on full display. Like the cheeky Englishman he is, Kane scored the opener from much too far out and it eeked in the corner. Lukaka showed why he might be too good for Everton as he was about the only thing that kept them in the match. For Tottenham it means they’re that much closer to locking down 2nd place for a 2nd consecutive year. For Everton, it means they are still a few key pieces away from competing with the big boys. Keeping Lukaku will be a win for them this off season.

West Ham showed exactly what you don’t do against Chelsea. For their first goal they were completely beaten on a counter attack after Chelsea absorbed pressure. Once it was in Hazard’s hands there was never any doubt. In truth the scoreline is flattering to West Ham as they didn’t strike until late. Seeing as it’s all but their trophy now, what do you reckon Chelsea will do on Holiday this summer? Will Diego Costa get skin rejuvenation in Germany to once again look like the world’s oldest youngest man (Google pictures for ‘young Diego Costa)? Will Hazard ménage with Wenger and Giroud bubblebath style? Stay tuned for the summer edition of this blog to find out all the exciting details.

Week 26: The Premier League Champions won a game this year.

 


Like finding out your date was a tranny, Crystal Palace confuse me. They have plenty of talent on this squad yet they have failed to perform all year. This week however they get a very good result. This vital win still sees them in the relegation zone however they are level on points with a slipping Middlesbrough. More importantly it was a one sided Palace win with a clean sheet. They brought in Mamadou Sakho to help shore that up and apparently it is working. Well see if this Palace teem can get any consistency.

I’m sure this is the last time i’ll say this: It was the Michael Keane show as Burnley drew against Hull City. He gave away the penalty that allowed Hull to go up. Then scored the equalizer that tied the game and denied Hull their 3 points. 3 critical points at that. Although they’ll take any points at this point in the season. Burnley are clear and safe at this point. I can’t see a situation where they drop low enough with 3 months left.

Everton took a deserved victory although both sides had their chances. Sunderland hit the bar at 1-0 that could’ve completely changed the game. Then Romelu Lukaku scored on a stunning counter-attack that was as effective as the Battle of the Bulge. How about Tom Davies for Everton? Only 18 and a local lad, he looks to be the future of whatever bigger English club buys him. For the moment we shall ignore how much he looks like the King’s son from Braveheart.

Chelsea were looking to cruise as it was a one-sided affair before halftime. Then out of nowhere Swansea scored as the half ended. However Chelsea were able to score again and Swansea was never really in this one. What makes me convinced that Chelsea are going to win the title (controversial, I know) aside from their points lead is that they have a Plan B. They seem to be the only other big team that can switch tactics if things aren’t going great. They are showing an ability later in the season to hold that ball and still score goals now that teams will sit back against them.

When Harry Kane is fit and feeling good you do not to play against him. He’ll never be the one to make lambasting runs on a counter-attack but if he has the ball near your goal he can score from just about anywhere. That is truly invaluable to have on a team and his inability to run may keep to the top top teams from coming after him. He seems a perfect fit for Tottenham when fit. As for Stoke? They are fulfilling everyone’s perception of them of being the definition of Mid-table mediocrity currently sitting at 10th. Safe but not interesting.

Liverpool lost to the reigning Premier League Champions. Normally that would be okay but when that team hadn’t scored a goal yet this calendar year it’s quite embarrassing. This matchup featured arguably the two worst teams of 2017 so far. It’s not looking good for Liverpool as when Mignolet is one of your best players in a game you know things aren’t going well. Two players who wouldn’t be on the pitch without injuries to starters did not play well: Lucas and Can. This is a lack of squad depth and one must really wonder why Liverpool allowed Sakho to go on loan. Lucas looked too slow. That said the entire team was second to every ball and lacked energy after a two week vacation. Hard to see where this team is going to end up as they lack any real consistency. With that i predict a 5-0 win against Arsenal.