Week 22

 


Is it possible? Can it be done? Like a Donald Trump campaign or a Brexit vote Swansea City have risen out of the ashes to get a vital win. With more management turnover than the new president’s cabinet picks the newest Swansea manager has got a road win at Liverpool. And with losses by all the other bottom three teams they are no longer in the relegation zone. What a battle this is turning out to be!

Not to go too Scouser heavy but Everton are on a decent run of form. Ross Barkley is playing well and now his Toffees have won 3 of their last 4. They currently find themselves top of the mid-table mediocrity but only one position behind a flying Manchester United. We know Everton will blow it somehow and manage to finish 7th or 8th but for now they are playing really great football.

Guys i really can’t think of anything else to say about how bad Leicester City is. This season i’ve had to come up with new ways to describe what a steaming pile of shit looks like week in and week out. So from here on i shall only refer to them as ‘Premier League Champions.’

Man City 2-2 Tottenham turned out to be one of the better games of the week. Man City roared out to a 2 nil lead mostly thanks to Hugo Lloris errors. Both of which were actually quite laughable as his attempts went straight to an opposing player with no one in goal. Aside from those gifts Man City looked rather toothless in attack and it wasn’t long before Tottenham came storming back for a 2-2 draw. I think they are clearly the better side over City. Pep seems to only be able to jump and scream on the sideline as his team struggles to create and defend.

Arsenal got off to their usual business like work but it all went wrong. Granit Xhaka then got sent off for a challenge in the box and just like that Burnley were level and Arsenal were down to 10 men. But late in stoppage time a questionable high kick glanced the head of Coquelin and Alexis Sanchez’s very cheeky penalty gave them the lead. In the season you need luck to go with your talent. Arsenal fans won’t mind at all with that bit of luck as they now go 2nd on the table.

Oh and Chelsea scored a goal or two and kept a clean sheet. Like every week.

Week 21

Tottenham crushed West Brom as they continue to shoot up the table. Harry Kane bagged his hat-trick and Erikson provided another. This really is a different team with Kane, they finally have a goal scoring threat to go with their fluid build up play. To be honest this could’ve been a complete landslide as West Brom looked thoroughly outclassed. Though they won’t care as they sit at 8th in the table and are comfortably safe.

It was all lopsided results followed by a dud this weekend. This was one of those that got out of control. Swansea were so bad and completely out of position on the first goal that Olivier Giroud got injured in the build up and still scored. I’d imagine his bubble bath with Wenger tonight will require dual baths like in one of those Viagra™ commercials. As if to add to the shit season Swansea’s been having they conceded two more deflected goals. In a relegation battle that may come down to goal difference Swansea now sit dead last.

Crystal Palace add more to their misery with a dismal loss to West Ham. Probably the best of crap teams fighting relegation they have by far the superior goal difference of the bunch. Yet they find themselves at 17th, with only their goal difference keeping them afloat. Unlike the other 3 they can score goals. However finding results is ever evasive for them.

Perhaps the most surprising huge result was the Everton win over Manchester City. Everton were all too glad to show traitorous John Stones who the better team on the day were. It was like the guy from high school who went on to be a rich and successful in a bigger city came back and made a complete fool of himself drinking and vomiting on himself. At the end of the day his life is much better, but you take solace in the fact that you remained true to yourself. Or at least that’s what you tell yourself. Alright, this is less about Everton now and more about me.

Is it just me or is ‘the biggest rivalry in England’ becoming just plain boring? Mourinho sets up for negative tactics, even at home. A Liverpool goal to open it was about the only thing that could draw Mourinho out of his shell. His team looked relieved when they now had to play attacking to get back into the game. And Manchester United were probably better on the day. They were certainly lucky. Paul Pogba must have been taking the same crazy pills his barber does. He gave up a penalty with a blatant handball and then choke slammed Jordan Henderson to the ground on a corner that went unnoticed. How he was still on the pitch was a wonder to me.

Weeks 19-20

 




















Key Results

Chelsea 4 - 2 Stoke City
In week 19 Chelsea continued to cruise at the top. Now, one of my main criticisms was that Chelsea never looked like they could win in a shoot out. They were eeking out 1-0 or 2-0 wins for a while. This time they proved they proved that they could simply outscore their opponents. Their biggest hurdle to the title now is Chinese billionaires buying out their team in the January transfer window.

Burnley 4 - 1 Sunderland
Burnley are finding their own ways to get points. Most importantly they are finding ways to get points against the other teams around the relegation zone. They currently sit 8 points above relegation and I see them easily staying afloat for another season.

Liverpool 1 - 0 Manchester City
Liverpool struck early through an unlikely outlet: a Gini Wijnaldum header on a counter-attack. From there on out it was missed shots and half chances. Most importantly for the Merseysiders it was a win and a clean sheet. For City it leaves a lot of questions. I think it’s much too early to start judging Pep Guardiola. That said his results with City feed the narrative that he has not really built his own team before. He has always inherited a great one. It’s explicitly clear not that Man City will have to be rebuilt and Pep already has many heads lined up for the ax.

West Brom 3 - 1 Hull City.
Perhaps the seasons most unlikely narrative: Where would Hull City be without Robert Snodgrass. His brilliance was not enough to save this sinking ship as bottom dwellers Hull were swept off the pitch after taking a 1-0 lead to halftime. They proceeded to concede twice from corners and defended poorly for the third. It’s a team that lacks fundamentals and that’s where new boss Marco Silva will have to start with less than half a season left. Hull look utterly doomed as they manage to make a mess of things even on a good day.

Bournemouth 3 - 3 Arsenal
Well Arsenal find themselves down by 3 on the road and come back to rescue a point. After the game Arsene Wenger said that his team was tired due to run of fixtures but no team that is exhausted comes back from 3-0 and levels it. Perhaps a lack of energy to start the match sure. Even with the result Arsenal find themselves outside the top 4 and below Tottenham.

Swansea City 2 - 1 Crystal Palace
Swansea City find a way to get their 3 points after a majorly disappointing and rocky season. This one’s big as it also pulls Crystal Palace closer to relegation. There are now 4 distinct teams in and around relegation and only one will survive.

Liverpool 2 - 2 Sunderland
Liverpool played their 2nd game in 3 days and they looked ragged. Despite creating chances they allowed Sunderland into this with 2 penalties. A draw counts but at the top of the table only wins will keep you afloat.

Tottenham 2-0 Chelsea
Liverpool were helped out though by a Chelsea loss. Suddenly Tottenham have come out of nowhere and find themselves in third. They’ve found found form like last season and if they can make it last may just give another title run.